What if it’s not true?
What if God doesn’t want you to find the perfect person?
And, what if you don’t have a soul mate?
The biggest secret about marriage and the best marriage advice is that it’s not supposed to make you happy. It is supposed to make you holy. You get to marry an imperfect person. And, they are marrying one too.
Two imperfect people being united for life gives God a great platform to grow you as individuals and as a couple. Soul mates are made…not born. Soulmates are forged through the fire and sharpening of marriage.
Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.
Here are some marriage tips for a Christian marriage or any marriage for that matter. If your marriage is having problems, reinstitute the simple truths. Here you go.
It’s a lie, both the Wedding Day and the Wedding Night
In the last year, my husband and I have been to 12 weddings. Seems insane. We’ve been involved in 4 of them. Weddings are beautiful. Every little girl, as some point, dreams of her wedding day. From the dress to the décor, the cake to the vows, the flowers to the …oh, yeah the groom.
The perfect day. All eyes are on the bride. She walks down the aisle to her knight in shining armor. Vows are exchanged, happy tears are shed. The father-daughter dance. The mother-son dance.
As midnight approaches, with a wave of a magic wand, the fairy-godmother turns a pumpkin into an elegant coach and the bride and groom are whisked away to live happily-ever-after. Oh wait, I think I’ve mixed up my stories.
Simply put, weddings are fantastic. But as the bride and groom are entangled in the planning and accomplishing of such a perfect day, they hardly have time to consider the journey they are truly embarking on. They begin to believe that they are planning the perfect life, not just the perfect “party.” A perfect wedding day does not make a perfect marriage. It doesn’t even contribute to it.
The bride and groom are whisked away to begin their romantic life together. But the truth is the wedding night isn’t always filled with romance and life-changing lovemaking. It has been an incredibly long day (and a really long few months getting to that day.) Many couples find themselves exhausted, in the early stages of a hangover, sad, and usually, hunger overtakes the fire of passion.
But as life begins again, the carriage turns back into a pumpkin and the white horses are just mice again. The real-world sets in. Back to work, back to families and friends. Celebrate your wedding. Have a blast, but do not make the mistake of believing that the glow will last. You get one fairy tale, then it’s gone.
The first year of marriage is no joyride.
The honeymoon phase is a myth. Or maybe entirely misinterpreted. The honeymoon phase is about adjustment. Learning your marriage dance steps. How to duck and weave around this stranger that you are now living with.
If you are thinking … Why were we not warned about this? Are we going to make it? Why is this so hard? No one said we’d be arguing all the time – time spent together, time spent apart, friends, family, jobs, when to eat, what to eat, chicken or beef, chores, money…etc.etc.etc. Are you there?
If at some point, maybe more than once, during your first year of marriage you think about up giving up…congratulations, you’ve made it! You are now married and on the road to success.
You didn’t marry Jerry McGuire
Your spouse will not complete you. Doesn’t happen. Somehow through the Hallmark channel, Chick-flicks and romance books, we’ve come to believe that there’s one and only one person on earth who’s right for us. We think this person has magical powers to fill the voids we have. We live in a fallen world that in some cases have left us broken, empty, hurt. The person you marry can’t 1. heal that, can’t fill the void or fill the emptiness. The truth is only God has that ability.
Marriage is hard, but oh so worth it
Back to the beginning, marriage is not meant to make us happy, it is meant to make us holy. Marriage is two imperfect, broken people brought together to become one. What if within this thing called marriage, we are meant to grow. What if this is God’s way of giving us a mirror to see ourselves clearly in. When we are selfish, prideful, petty or do dumb things. God grows us. Marriage grows us. Our spouse grows us. Marriage makes us change. Marriage makes us better people – if we let it.
It is hard. It is worth it.
Marriage is a daily choice
To be successful in marriage, you must make a daily decision to love someone no matter what. It is meant to be a selfless, self-sacrificial love. We are called to serve our spouse. Every day to ask ourselves how we can make their day better. What we can do to put them first.
With that mindset, marriage succeeds. Without it, it doesn’t. Admittedly, it is not our natural state. We are survivors and for the most part self-serving. But marriage refines us and teaches us. God didn’t make marriage to make you happy. God made marriage to make you holy.
P.S. If you like this post and would like other information on marriage, let me know and join my private marriage facebook page!